When life feels small.

“Jack of all trades, master of some.”

That was my version- because I couldn’t make decisions well, and still can’t. If I’m being honest, though it didn’t rhyme so I didn’t proclaim it aloud, in my version of aspiration the word “some” was replaced by “most”. Neither is actually how the saying goes, as you likely know. And neither really represents how my life turned out. But anyhow…

Think about any “masters” you know- perhaps an Olympic athlete, a famous pianist, a renaissance painter. Their greatness, while undoubtedly backboned by some enviable genetic combination, came mostly from years and years (or decades) of intense practice and focus.

But we all have 24 hours in our days, 7 days per week, and 365 of them per calendar year… the same amount of time in which to experience things in life. Sacrifices and opportunity costs present themselves constantly in our day to day. They are inevitably part of making choices- and are sewn to every accomplishment achieved. Many of the world’s protégés we admire most have, in fact, extremely narrowly-focused and, some might say, small worlds.

The same idea applies to our thought worlds. Between our external worlds and our internal worlds, it’s not unusual to feel trapped in daily grind, physically and mentally, making our universe feel confined and rigid when we crave liberated and expansive.

Certainly opportunity, socio-economic status, and family have a big say in the directions our lives take. But it is often our internal dialogue that guides and limits our external worlds, keeping them from expanding to their truest potential, however modest or vast that might be.

As a rule, safety is the utmost priority of mammalian (and arguably all species’) brains. Evolution has ensured that the protective nature of our autonomic and central nervous systems are captain of every action we take and every thought processed, to optimize our chances at survival.

One of the results of this inherent system is the navigation of our minds towards hyper focusing, becoming fixated and overly vigilant, and rumination in times of sensed distress, fear, sadness, or anxiety.

Granted sometimes life just sucks. Agreed 1000%. Oftentimes we are faced with life circumstances that render us bound to obligations and without much wiggle room for personal growth or change in our situations. I’m not speaking to this kind of “stuck”… I’m speaking to the feeling of a narrowing world due to internal distress.

When the brain feels threatened, we become more masterful at protecting ourselves and honing in on life’s situations, while simultaneously becoming far less capable of freely expanding our worlds through creativity, openness, social engagement, and learning.

Vastness is a concept of space- and one that takes perspective. To appreciate the expansiveness of a canyon or field of wildflowers you must look out over it, visually marking the difference between, say, the size of your hand or a nearby tree and the never ending distance unfolding before you. You can’t see how big it is if you stare down at your hiking boots! The same applies to our lives…. Except that, when our nervous system kicks in from sensing distress, we are unable to step back and see in the distance.

When this happens on occasion, and there is a very real threat to our wellbeing, this is a really good thing! Even our pupils narrow their focus when adrenaline is high. Our senses are highly acute, blood flow rearranges itself to prepare for optimal defense or flight, and memories are put on hold to focus the brain.

But when the amygdala (the emotion and distress regulating part of the brain) senses angst for too long or continually, the ANS (autonomic nervous system) gets stuck in protection and defense mode, whether there is an actual presenting threat or not. The brain rewires itself over time to a new normal state of hyperactivity, hyper vigilance, hyper focus.

I wrote a bit about this in my post titled “Do you need a wide angle lens adapter?” And while that post spoke more specifically to how the brain rewires to create a new “normal” in terms of eating patterns or behaviors, such that the individual can no longer detect that a behavior is, in fact, not healthy or beneficial, similar mechanisms stem from exposure to stress and adversity that persists for a long time. The difference in the later example, and that spoken to in this post, is that rather than the individual’s world simply being very different (and often/typically unhealthy in many ways), it actually implodes and becomes intensely focused and rigid, secured by avoidance behaviors and ritualistic security measures taken.

So you would be correct in feeling that your life seems smaller than it used to if you’ve been going through a year (or several) of trials. In some ways it has actually been made smaller- by the limited, more focused perception by your hyperactive nervous brain! The good new is, though, that the world has not actually shrunk. :). And, it is very likely, you are relatively the same size. You also still have 24 hours in a day, and likely many years left ahead, like everyone else. Those same adventures that awaited you when you were a carefree child still await you.

Once the central nervous system calms, so does the storm. Your world will once again open up with possibilities, and your brain will, all by itself, be just fine with taking in more information and new ideas.

When you recognize this, and understand that your body is doing exactly what it’s programmed to do (when it’s been fighting for far, far too long) despite whatever pain you are going through right now, you will be able to truly believe that YOU ARE NOT BROKEN.

But it most definitely should get your attention that some things (likely many things) are overwhelming you, and need to change! And just like you shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover, nor so should you put a relative “value” on traumatic, stimulating events. It’s not up to you to decide how pissed off your tired brain should feel when asked a simple question, or how paralyzed and terrified it feels simply attending a family event. Once your system is over-sensitized, EVERYTHING is a big deal, and your brain will do everything it can to protect, eliminate, guard, defend, minimize, and confine.

Remember the fable The Princess and the Pea? I am convinced her nervous system was on overdrive. And, as a result, her world became incredibly hyper-focused on feeling a pea under a pile of mattresses! You laugh- but when your world implodes, you, too, feel peas under the mattresses of life.

If you want help de-stressing, re-regulating, recognizing signs of an imploding world, and figuring out what to do to open it back up, I’m here. And I promise not to judge the sizes of your bothersome peas!