The art of flipping a coin…
I gritted my teeth and stabbed the chicken breast with the pathetic plastic fork they gave me with that night’s dinner.
It was- completely and utterly disgusting.
But the macros tracker app on my phone said I was only at 70 grams of protein, and my goal was 110. “So, carry on little soldier”, I told my brave brain, and took another bite.
When they tell you hospital food is terrible, they aren’t kidding. They even messed up (obviously-canned) green beans! I mean… seriously?
Okay, maybe that’s a little harsh. The fruit plate with lunch was good. But if that’s all I can recommend after being there for 10 days already… um… yeah. If I’d been even the tiniest bit more mobile with multiple fractures in my femur, only the hamstring muscles in tact on that leg, and 3 breaks in my neck (and I mean even the tiniest bit more agile on my walker…), I’d have busted a move down to the cafeteria and asked for about anything. (Especially because I could charge it to my room and not care about $3 for a tiny yogurt!).
If I’m being completely honest though, being stuck in a bed hooked up to three IVs and unable to turn my head or even go to the bathroom alone was actually NOT the greatest hinderance at play.
The Mind Over Matter coin in my head kept flipping back and forth.
In ten days in the trauma unit and eleven more in another hospital it never once truly picked a side to land squarely on. On occasion it simply rolled on its edge around the tile floor of my room, likely encountering a few bumps as it traversed the missing earplug from last night and the sock that went rogue earlier that morning.
Stress and ugly stepsister Anxiety had set in pretty hard after the accident. (Ya think?!). I went from running 10k and 50 squats a day to a 5 hour surgery to put my leg back together and wakening recognition that it would be 10 months before I might even jog or hop again. Life had stopped.
Amongst the intensive trauma unit docs and frantic nurses, the guys that gave me something I think was maybe a little too strong for my size that made me completely high to get me out of the car, and too many chefs in the kitchen when it came to the multiple CT scans… Anorexia showed up as a first responder at the scene.
And she was, by far, the most faithful, dedicated (dare-I-say) caretaker for the duration of my stay.*
*More on this in a later post…
“What does this have to do with your Mind Over Matter coin gone rogue… and what the hell is that anyways?” You might ask me.
In general, I hate one word answers. I’m more of a long-winded, way-over-do-it sort. I got this from my dad, who we used to (politely) ask for “the short version please”.
But in this case, the answer is already only one word:
Discipline.
By default, having discipline doesn’t always entail taking a mind over matter approach. Often it is simply engaging in a habit religiously, typically stemming from prioritization, irrespective of the reason. But when the going gets tough, or intuition shouts protest from within, discipline takes grit and determination that must exceed inclination.
Ms Webster explains the phrase ‘mind over matter’ as used to describe a situation in which someone is able to control a physical condition, problem, etc., by using the mind. One’s ability to keep going even when she is tired is a simple question of mind over matter.
Granted it CAN be an admirable quality. And as an athlete, I appreciate that I have so much. But it has a dark side too. And, for those who struggle with anxiety, disordered eating, OCD, and the like, it can have a confusing side.
Typically the mind pushes past the matter.
Heads over Tails.
And this has powerful implications for breaking from addiction, accomplishing tasks, surpassing limits and reaching goals. Knowledge of what is feasible trumps what feels feasible. The brain calls the shots and helps you achieve the unachievable.
But what happens when the brain guides incorrectly or out of fear?
I’ve written extensively now in previous blog posts about the brain’s governance by an overactive amygdala when faced with stress, fear, anxiety, and the like. In these instances, emotions trump any form of rational thought and behavior, rendering the frontal lobe and it’s logical (usually correct) thinking pretty useless for a spell. No one can argue that the amygdala isn’t part of the mind.
“Houston… we have a problem… Something has shorted on the switchboard!”
Now we are faced with a situation where mind over matter looks more like: what feels feasible triumphs over knowledge of what is feasible. And, following suit, determination and the mind over matter “capability” work against us. The coin has flipped over.
Tails over Head.
Nonetheless, and as “right” as it might feel for a moment, most of us will agree that, well, tails just IS upside down. And a tiny voice inside of us, no matter how stifled, can always be heard in a moment of quiet bringing this discomfort to the surface, and asking for it to be righted.
How though? How do you flip the coin back over?
By using exactly the same skill- mind over matter and determination. But this time, you must determine to, in fact, put matter over mind in a sense. Determine to do what you know to be feasible and right over what feels doable and correct.
This is why my coin kept flipping over, for a good 6 weeks straight. But it’s also why I ate the disgusting, cold chicken breast… when I hate chicken.
