Are you seeing clearly?

There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says "Morning, boys. How's the water?" And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes "What the hell is water?” -David Foster Wallace 

All the young fish had ever known was the water around them.  They didn’t know anything else existed.

Our view of the world and of ourselves is programmed by our entire life experience from when we arrived into this world until this present moment. Messages that society, family, friends, and colleagues feed to us influence, and often dictate, who we should be or not be, what is right vs wrong, and how we should think about things. Certainly a sound moral compass and lack of outright arrogance broadens our ability to carve out who we become and how we act, but we are largely molded by the perception of others. We are often programmed, and detached from our core selves.

Neuroscience research has shown that thoughts and concepts become as concretely embedded in our brains as tangible objects!  Our surroundings become facts, whether they are true or not.  And we rely on these facts to navigate life. 

We also know that perception shapes our realities.  Perception is defined as the ability to see, hear, or become aware of something through the senses.

So it’s not only the confinement and limitations of our surroundings and exposures, but also how our senses interpret the constant messages, that create our realities.  In other words, it’s not simply what is presented in our immediate worlds to be seen that establishes our truths in life, but also the lens through which we see our surroundings and filter the input.

As new information enters our spheres, we must interpret it.  Should it match what has been exampled or concluded before, then it strengthens our beliefs.  Ironically, if the new data does not match our previous conceptions, we most often reject it.  One reaction to new information bolsters our established concepts, the other has no effect because we fight it.  This is called psychological reactance.  We guard our knowledge and beliefs, holding that they are absolute truths.

Michel de Montaigne, the 16th-century French philosopher credited with inventing the essay, wrote that “the plague of man is boasting of his knowledge.”

Enter: intellectual humility. 

The difference between those who stay knowing only of their immediate belief system, and those who enable their worlds to expand and grow in wisdom and absolute truth (as opposed to theoretical or perceived truth) is intellectual humility. This character capability applies to areas of faith, one’s approach to eating or the types of food believed to be “good”, understanding of medicine and how to body works, and even such things as exploration and creativity.

Intellectual humility is a method of thinking. It’s about entertaining the possibility that you may be wrong and being open to learning from the experience of others. Intellectual humility is about recognizing potential blind spots, or concepts in your life that have been pigeon holed by your active environment, and being actively curious about them without shame or guilt.

Sadly, though, change of any kind creates subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) distress or anxiety- so we often resist it. 

Since it’s not only our surroundings and the information we are subjected to that creates our realities and principal understandings, but also our perceptions, anything that skews the way we see or think about what we believe to be true has tremendous influence. So achieving a wiser frame of mind and employing intellectual humility, therefore, isn’t always enough, and in some cases not possible, if an underlying sense of life security is not present.  Our perception is the lens through which we interpret everything. And our perception lens is often out of focus, rendered cloudy by the very concepts we need to examine clearly in order to grow.

Stress, depression, anxiety, relationship dynamics, insecurity, abandonment or self-abandonment, attachment disorders, and fear, because they so strongly dictate our emotions in order to reestablish a sense of protection and safety, put up barriers and inhibit our ability to consider our shortcomings of understanding in order to explore and invite the unknown (be intellectually humble), and to see, or perceive concepts, clearly. Even if we do get to a place where, typically by means of comparison to others and deep reflection, we recognize that our truths may be skewed or lacking, perceived threats to self thwart our very efforts at intellectual humility and keep us captives in our small (falsely-safe) worlds.

Through such trials as disordered eating, poor habits, addictions, low-self esteem, and difficulty thriving in life, it is impossible to change deeply ingrained habits and thought patterns without challenging the beliefs the behaviors are based upon. An openness to consideration of our lens’ prescriptions and their clarity is the only way to navigate away from deeply- set coping mechanisms that are detrimental to our wellbeing and hindering our progress towards achieving life goals and fulfilling our life’s purpose. And while we may believe ourselves to be rational and seeing clearly, the state we are in has a huge impact on both the emotions and thoughts that come to mind- our perceptions of reality.

The concept, though not often spoken about, of intellectual humility, is at the root of all growth and development. It is the very essence of exploration. But before a person can venture into realms unknown, and be strong enough to overcome the accompanying feelings of insecurity and varying degrees of anxiety, a foundational level of security in self, one’s values, and life itself must be established, from which to navigate outwards.

May this be when considering a new career, letting go of a dogmatic diet, gathering tools and support to break from an addiction, or pioneering a new venture, having courage to persevere when security feels challenged is pivotal.

Ground work on identity and values, working through traumas (both Big T and Little t), insecure attachment disorders, grief, and other causes of depression and pain can often help to clean up the lenses through which you are perceiving the world around you and yourself, enough to expose to you the reality of what you are struggling with and help you to see more clearly a route to healing.

With further work on self and continued healing from past (or present) wounds in your life, you approach having a more accurate perception of the world around you and your beliefs, exposing flaws and misconceptions in your previous thinking, and creating a place of safety from which to venture into true freedom. Polyvagal theory is one excellent example of a practice employed to establish internal safety and calm an overactive nervous system.

But even then, working to develop more internal peace and a true, reliable sense of safety, and through such, opening the door to inquisition and change, isn’t always enough to encourage a leap of change away from behaviors that we cling to, and towards healthier ones.

When someone has struggled with any form of anxiety for a long time (sometimes decades or life-long), whether that shows up as OCD, generalized anxiety disorder, panic attacks, depression, addictions, self-harm, or eating disorders (among other manifestations), over-stimulation to any distress-provoking occurrence becomes the default.

Anxiety is a psychological, physiological, and behavioral state induced by a threat to well-being or survival, either actual or perceived. It is characterized by increased arousal, expectancy, autonomic and neuroendocrine activation, and specific behaviors.

Though intended to help cope with the distressing situation, anxiety interferes with the ability to cope successfully with life challenges, for the reasons we have discussed.

It is natural for anxiety around change or a concept that threatens one’s existing constructs and beliefs to be met with avoidance.  But over time and with enough repetition, avoidance worsens the anxiety through a process called avoidance conditioning.  

The concept of avoidance conditioning is this: the more you keep your anxiety in check.  by avoiding something, the more likely you are to keep avoiding it. This cycle is a form of negative reinforcement.

So, once a person has reached a place of willingness to invite and consider their unknown, work must be initiated to enable healthy coping and processing of the feelings that may arise through the process of change and growth. In many cases, exposure therapy can be of tremendous value.

In exposure therapy, psychologists or therapists create a safe and supported environment in which to “expose” individuals to the things they fear and avoid. The exposure to the feared objects, activities or situations in a safe environment helps reduce fear and decrease avoidance.

I would argue that working through anything that hinders an internal sense of safety is the first key needed to unlock healing and ensure your lens of perception is not tainted.  Recognizing what provokes an anxious response in oneself is a big part of that. 

Confronting your fears and learning to manage anxiety, is the second key.  Calming the nervous system and exposure to break out of avoidance conditioning is at the core of work here. This key opens the door for intellectual humility, and embracing the possibility of venturing into the yet-unknowns without feeling threatened.  

Once this door is opened, no more keys are needed.  

Becoming aware of your life lens and using knowledge, faith, perseverance and trialing to correct your life’s lens’ prescription of perception allows for expansion and growth.  The world is bigger than you realize. Freedom is immeasurable if not in the confines of limited beliefs and fear.