The gift and curse of being a HSP.
To say I have a sixth sense might actually be an understatement. I seem to just know.
There was a running joke in my house growing up, that posed a serious problem for my younger sister. If she borrowed something from my closet or so much as rummaged around a bit, no matter her effort to carefully redistribute the hangers to cover any gaps, I knew.
If we did a deep cleaning, and the furniture wasn’t replaced in exactly the same spot, I knew. A hair clip borrowed, my shoes moved, a pop tart missing- I knew. And they told me they had eyes in the back of their head… umm… they got nothin’ on me.
So imagine how easy it is for me to read faces and voices!
I knew how my dad’s day at work went before he walked in the door; I could tell by the intonation of my mother’s voice after she talked with him on the phone. If someone was holding something back in conversation and their words didn’t flow with the same rhythm, my brain’s awareness guard raised his little flag. If Mom’s voice was more quiet than usual, my dad created conversation from thin air about random stuff to fill an awkward void, or the corners of my grandmother’s lips turned slightly downward, Detective Me got called into work.
Though I did have the ability to be perfectionistic (notice how I phrased that), and “fastidiously” could have been an adjective created specifically and exclusively for me, these traits weren’t my superpower, even if they likely assisted.
I am a HSP.
Highly Sensitive People are genetically wired such that they experience and perceive the world more intensely than others. Their main characteristics can be summed up in the acronym D.O.E.S.
1) Depth of Processing
2) Over Stimulation
3) Emotional Responsiveness & Empathy
4) Sensitive to Subtleties
Simply put, HSPs feel the world more deeply. It’s thought that sensitivity is a protective mechanism of the brain, and actually a sign of high intelligence!
The concept of the HSP was developed through the work of Dr. Elaine Aron, and published in her book “the Highly Sensitive Person” in 1999. She estimates that it affects 15-20% of the world’s population. But, as documented by the work of a renowned eating disorder coach and nutritionist in the UK, it affects around 70% of those inflicted with an eating disorder or other mental health concerns.
Being a HSP definitely has a great number of qualities. One is likely compassionate, attentive to detail, empathetic, intelligent, highly observant, intuitive, thoughtful, conscientious, loyal, and creative.
But it can be extremely difficult for a sensitive person to live in an insensitive world. Western culture does not fundamentally value sensitivity like some other cultures, so HSPs can easily feel like there is something wrong with them. This characteristic is often misunderstood, devalued, and pathologized. Compared to their peers, a HSP might feel as if they are oversensitive or weak. This just brings additional stress to a HSP on top of the overwhelm that is already present.
“You’re just too sensitive- let it go.” or “Why does it matter so much to you?” might be familiar phrases if you identify with this characteristic.
In general, HSPs tend to experience most of the following features:
Sensitivity to foods or spices
Sensitivity to lights and sounds
Skin hypersensitivity or reactiveness
Sensitivity to medications and stimulants (including caffeine)
Feelings of overwhelm instead of excitement in crowded places or with many people around
Feeling more drained than others after spending time with others due to being on high alert
Unable to Avoid Overstimulation
Affected by the energy and moods of the people around them
Difficulty with transitions and change
Startle and panic easily
Attuned to nuances
Shyness as a child, especially with peers
Avoid violence and action in television and movies
What causes someone to be a Highly Sensitive Person?
What makes a person highly sensitive likely depends on a variety of factors such as evolution, environment, genetics, and early childhood exposures and experiences.
According to a study in Psychology Today, high sensitivity is thought to have genetic roots, and some specific gene variants have been associated with this innate trait. Biologists have found that the high sensitivity personality trait exists in over 100 species, equally found in both males and females, and in both introverts (70%) and extroverts (30%). Through their research high sensitivity has come to be understood as a survival strategy. Animals who are hyper vigilant and highly aware of their surroundings are most likely to detect predators or unsafe situations.
Being a HSP results from having a highly developed nervous system operating which results in deeper processing and more intense feelings, both good and bad.
But evidence also suggests that early childhood experiences may have an epigenetic effect on the genes associated with sensitivity. Since children pick up on behaviors, a child who is genetically dispositioned to be sensitive may easily adopt a parent’s hyper-vigilance and observant nature.
How do you cope with being a HSP?
High sensitivity does not get “better” or “worse” over time, because it’s not “bad” or “good” to begin with. But how you live with it can influence how you are affected by its empowering and challenging characteristics, and how you live with it can change.
Owning your identity as a Highly Sensitive Person can be extremely validating and liberating. Part of this is acknowledging that there is nothing wrong with you, despite how it may feel at times. Embrace this characteristic as a valuable part of who you are- something that makes you special and gifted in ways many are not.
Learning more about yourself and how your sensitivity is uniquely expressed can help you explore ways to cope. Using what you know about your reactivity to exposures and experiences can help you construct your identity framework as a HSP, and enable you to surround yourself better by a nurturing environment, both physical and emotional. Use your superpower to protect and guide you rather than confine and belittle you.
Learning to embrace and reframe discomfort, rather than avoiding it, can help you process these feelings, and sit with them better when unavoidably presented with the harshness of reality. Rather than react, back away, or put up walls of defense, you can learn to trust in your ability to handle anything that comes your way. And this confidence grows only with practice.
Finally, lean into your strengths. Remember all the attributes of being a HSP? Delight in them- not everyone can! Many HSPs have deep appreciation and capability for all kinds of art, music, movement, and nature. Their appreciation for nuance, creativity and vivid imagination are bar none.
Spending time cultivating hobbies, specific skills, setting and pursuing goals, and engaging with others who share these unique values can be important coping mechanisms, and help build resilience in a world where you often feel criticized, overlooked, and under-appreciated.
I am the HSP. I can tell if there is a single cat hair stuck in my sweater, and it’s location to a cm without looking! So if you feel misunderstood, or want help learning to use your superpowers to navigate life, I’m here for you.
