The sword of Comparison.
“Do you often compare yourself?” my therapist at the time asked me one Thursday morning.
“Yes, all the time.” I truthfully replied. “I couldn’t have healed if I didn’t. Aren’t we always comparing ourselves as our way to navigate life?”
I think she was a bit taken aback by my reply. I know how she intended the question, but it bothered me- the anticipated reply and direction she was about to take me down. So I aborted the mission by throwing a curve ball, and it worked. She didn’t know how to steer the boat I’d just hopped on to. So we moved on.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
This is a quote often touted by Christians and elders alike- both awkwardly trying to convey deep wisdom and likely wagging a finger at the same time. But who actually said comparison is the thief of joy?
If you thought “It must be in the Bible somewhere, because it sounds so awfully profound… maybe Proverbs?”, you aren’t alone; but no, it’s not written in Scripture. “Oprah?” Nope. “A fortune cookie?” Maybe, but that’s not where it originated.
The answer is: President Theodore Roosevelt.
I’m not one to argue with a president. (But please note that, if anyone could or world, it’s likely me.) Our 26th president was an amazing leader and incredibly wise man. Along with Army Colonel Leonard Wood, he formed the First U.S. Volunteer Cavalry Regiment, and was commissioned as a Lieutenant Colonel. It was literally his job to guide and encourage those around him and under his command and leadership. He knew mankind well, and understood their inherent tendency to turn comparison into a measure of value and self worth.
But I will argue the value of avoiding comparison altogether itself as a strategy for self-protection and as the means to solidify one’s value and place in the world.
The process of constantly evaluating our behaviors, thoughts, emotions, careers, appearances, relationships, houses, clothes, or lives to each other can be one of the most damaging internal narratives we can adopt…. if it leads to dissatisfaction or unhappiness with what we do have or how we already are. It can literally steal us away from satisfaction with our own life.
I emphasize the words “if” and “can” because comparison doesn’t by itself guarantee this outcome, and can, in fact, be a useful tool when used wisely. Think of it as a double-edged sword- one side assists with victory and achievement, the other cuts you down to the core with disappointment and discouragement, depending on how you orient it.
If you think more intensely about the word ‘comparison’ and it’s inherent meaning, you’ll realize that a lot of how we navigate life uses comparison in a positive way. Without comparison there can be no humility. There would be no respect. No admiration. No advancement on ideas. No appreciation for the world around us. No drive to progress and improve.
The word comparison actually has 3 official definitions:
A consideration or estimate of the similarities or dissimilarities between two things or people.
An analogy (relating to something similar as an example).
The quality of being similar or equivalent.
None of these inherently lead to a feeling of “less-ness”, inferiority, dissatisfaction, jealousy, or unhappiness of any kind. Comparison by itself is merely a recognition of differences and a means to navigate decision making and choices.
Had I never compared my eating and lifestyle to those around me, I would have never known how very sick I was. Had I not compared how I ate with sound protocols put forth by nutritional influencers, I would not have known how to change.
If we don’t compare our capabilities to what has been proven possible, we don’t have a guide for the direction to take to improve. If we don’t look at options back to back and study the nuances, it’s challenging to select the most appropriate choice. Without comparison of societal welfare generosity, assistance, and contribution would not serve as well to enable equality of humanity.
What is experienced through the act of comparison should be better understanding of our surroundings and inspiration for fruitful progression… not self-loathing, resentment, bitterness, or poor self-esteem. As such, the Bible actually speaks relatively little to comparison itself. That’s because the antidote to self-criticism and dissatisfaction when experienced through comparison is not to refrain from any form of comparison, but rather to strengthen one’s sense of gratitude and appreciation for what we have and who we are.
***We are, however, carefully instructed not to dwell on that which we don’t have, but rather on that which we do. (Recognizing a desire or need for something is not the same as dwelling on the shortfall.) And we are commanded to recognize and be grateful that all we have been blessed with has been gifted to us by Our Creator.***
When comparing ourselves with those around us, it is important that we are not doing so in effort to exchange our individuality and uniqueness for mimicking another. Looking for models of Christ to serve as wise counsel, and self-reflection against what we see around us so as to truly better our character is one thing. Measuring up only to copy for artificial security is another.
Comparison if done out of insecurity can make us believe we are ill-equipt for the task at hand, or keep our focus on the “later someday”. But as I wrote about in my blog titled “Prosper where you are planted”, God has ensured you have all you need to thrive wherever He has placed you in life.
Sadly, comparison has come to mean “judgement”. And judgement has taken on a very negative connotation- one that includes valuation of beings as better than- or worse than-, good or bad, rather than one that solely depicts valuing the moral merit of their actions. This is a shame, because it discourages people in general, and specifically Christians or others upholding religious beliefs or a moral value system, from using judgement properly.
Comparison does not equal judgement,
comparison must be used for proper judgement, and
judgement by itself is not hierarchal.
We are actually instructed to judge.
In the same Matthew 7 where Jesus says: “Judge not,” He also says: “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine.” (Matthew 7:6). We cannot identify “dogs” nor “swine” without judging from a moral, biblical standpoint. And we cannot judge without making comparisons to what we know to be righteous.
Jesus then goes on to say: “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits.” (Matthew 7:15-16). Again, how are we we are to identify false prophets by their fruits, if we cannot compare the outpouring of their lives against what we know to be morally correct and judge accordingly?
Paul says: “He who is spiritual judges all things.” (1 Corinthians 2:15). And later on: “Do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world will be judged by you, are you unworthy to judge the smallest matters? Do you not know that we shall judge angels? How much more, things that pertain to this life?” (1 Corinthians 6:2-3).
As I wrote previously, comparison is actually essential. Like food, we cannot just avoid it if it poses a problem for, because we need it! We need to learn to utilize it for what it is- a tool. And if we have improper reactions that cause us to turn inward with disgrace, dissatisfaction, or shame, we need to fix our perspective and bolster ourselves with the truth- not avoid any comparison at all cost.
Like many things in life, it’s what you do with it that matters. In a world where value is determined by the have’s and have not’s, media and popularity determine what is acceptable, and outward performance is esteemed above character, it’s easy to see how comparison and judgement might indeed become thieves of joy. But that’s on you.
